Our culture says sex is an essential part of life. Not just good, but literally essential. As in, you simply cannot be happy without it. In this way, it overvalues sex. Ironically, though, our culture also undervalues sex, not recognizing its power, treating it casually and flippantly. But neither approach—overvaluing or undervaluing—is true.
This is why Jesus talks about eunuchs in his teaching on marriage in Matthew 19, which says, “For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven …” (v. 12 ESV).
Eunuchs are people who, for various reasons, can’t get married. By including them in his teaching, Jesus makes them equal participants in God’s kingdom because marriage is not the ultimate point—the family of God is. Soon enough, in eternity, none of us will be married (cf. Matthew 22:30). What is partial and temporary will have given way to what is permanent and eternal: Christ and the church.
You can find real joy in life without sex. Perhaps that may be for a chapter of your life—whether it’s because you are single or maybe something is not going right in your marriage. Is that painful and difficult? Absolutely. But if what Jesus says is true, that pain is something we can still endure in the context of contentment.
Perhaps you will never know sexual fulfillment on this earth. What Jesus says applies here, too: True joy isn’t found in sexual fulfillment; it’s found in intimacy with him. After all, it is worth remembering that the most joy-filled man ever to walk the face of the earth never had sex.
Eunuchs, who represent single people, can still find full satisfaction in the forever family of God.
“My Identity Is Not Gay or Ex-Gay; It Is a Child of God”
Christoper Yuan tells his story of growing up same-sex attracted. Again and again, he asked God to give him different desires. But God didn’t. For a while, Yuan pursued an openly gay lifestyle, thinking it would satisfy him. It didn’t. Then, through a series of bad decisions, he hit rock bottom and even ended up in prison.
It was there that God confronted him—not with a change of sexual orientation but with the offer of a forever family with his Son. Yuan says:
“My identity is not gay, ex-gay, or even heterosexual for that matter, but my sole identity is as a child of the living God made in the image of Jesus Christ. [In that prison cell, I realized that] a decision had to be made: either abandon God and pursue [sexual freedom]; or abandon [sexual freedom] and live as a follower of Jesus Christ. My decision was obvious. I chose to be a child of God.
“I used to think that to please this Christian God, I had to become straight—I had to make myself feel heterosexual feelings—but even those with heterosexual feelings still struggle with sin and need to be redeemed; so that should not be the ultimate goal. Our goal, as Christians, no matter what feelings we have, must be holiness. And that’s only found in the righteousness of Christ. Our identity must be solely in his righteousness, not in how sexually pure we feel. As I began to live this life of surrender and obedience, God called me to full-time ministry—while I was in prison of all places.”
Yuan is still same-sex attracted and says that sex will never be a part of his life, but he is content with living a life in a posture of waiting.
That kind of bearing only comes from understanding that sex is not ultimate. It just points to what God has for you in his forever family. If sex is not something that is a part of your story, you can still live a happy, joy-filled meaningful life.