Should I Get Married or Not?

In this week’s episode of the Ask Me Anything Podcast, Pastor J.D. answers the question, “Should I get married or not?”

Show Notes:

  • The first consideration for “Should I get married?” is… Do I have the gift?

First, realize that most people have a wrong conception of spiritual gifts–they assume that a spiritual gift is some kind of lifelong assignment that God stamps you with when you leave heaven, like a personality trait. Spiritual gifts don’t work like that, and definitely not the gifts of marriage and singleness. I’m going to show you this more when we study 1 Cor 12, but a spiritual gift, a charisma, is a special empowerment that comes on you for a time for some spiritual assignment.

ALL of us are single for time, which means all of us, for a time, have the gift of singleness and God will give us the spiritual empowerment to do it well. 

You don’t look within and mystically see if you’ve got the gift of singleness. Don’t make it complicated. If you are single, you have the gift of singleness. At least for the moment. How do I know? Because you are single. And God will empower you to do it well. And if you are married, you have the gift of marriage. And you can know that because… you are married. Even if you felt like it was a mistake, you have the gift now, and God will give you the spiritual power to do it well. 

  • The second consideration for “Should I get married?” is… “Is it the right time?”

There’s a really interesting verse in this chapter that really confuses people, but when you understand it in context it really makes sense: 26 I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is.

  • He goes on to say, “If you are married, stay married. If you are single, remain single.” And at first, it sounds like Paul is telling single people, “Don’t ever seek to get married.” But that’s not what Paul is saying. Paul says “in view of the present distress” remain as you are. Paul was writing in a particular era of history where persecution against Christians was at a fever pitch.
  • Here’s what it means for you: There can be situations, eras, in your life that make it more advantageous for you to wait. For example:
    • In a season where you’re trying to finish your education or get established in your career. Or maybe God has called you to focus on a mission assignment
    • Or maybe you need time to heal from something. During those seasons where it is wise to wait, you can trust God that he’ll give you the spiritual gifting to wait. One of the reasons to be closely involved in the church is that other people can help you see when those times are.
  • When it’s time, don’t wait! 

I love what Paul says in vs. 36 If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. But whatever you do, vs. 37, Paul says, “…be firmly established.” Let me follow Paul’s lead here and talk to the guys, since guys are typically the ones to take initiative in relationships. 

Guys: Be firmly established. Are you going to marry her or not? Make up your mind. 

And, guys, if you know it’s not time for you to get married, be firmly established and don’t lead her on. Get on with what God is doing in your singleness.

Girls, you too—don’t lead the guy on. Dating is a road that leads to marriage, and if you’re not ready for the destination, stay off the road!  


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