This is the last of a four-part series on “everyday faith,” based on the instructions Paul gives in Titus 2:1–6. Gospel-centered folks are often allergic to “instructions,” so it’s important to keep in mind that Paul lays these out as our response to the gospel—not as a way to gain acceptance. “Because of what God has done for you,” Paul says, “your lives will look different.” Be sure to read part one (older men), part two (older women), and part three (younger women).
Paul has plenty to say to older men, older women, and younger women. But you’d be warranted in thinking that the younger men aren’t getting their fair share in Titus 2. All that Paul gives them is this: “Urge the younger men to be self-controlled.”
Be self-controlled. Not many words, but if you reflect on that simple command, it makes sense that Paul would leave it at that. If you had to identify the Achilles’ heel of most young men, it would be precisely that they are ruled by their desires. It might be a desire for sexual pleasure. It might be a lust for power. It might be a passion for success. So, as it turns out, Paul’s command may be simple, but it certainly isn’t easy.
If the young men in our churches would really learn to control their passions, God would do some mighty works. As D.L. Moody once said, “The world has yet to see what God can do with one man totally sold out to him.” It seems that far too many of the men in our churches are content to give God nominal allegiance while they throw their hearts and souls into other passions.
But the more passionately we throw ourselves into pursuits divorced from God, the more we harm ourselves. As Proverbs says, “A man without self-control is like a city whose walls have been broken through” (Prov 25:28). In those days, the walls of the city were its primary safeguard. Without them, wild animals would roam the city and robbers would be free to plunder the homes. It simply doesn’t matter how valiant a city’s soldiers were if the walls weren’t there.
Young men, do you know how vulnerable you are when you allow yourself to be pulled into a life dominated by your lusts? Your walls are rubble, and the enemy knows that he can destroy you at any time. Like a wild animal or a robber, he simply walks into the city of your heart and knocks. Don’t believe the lie that your pet lusts are a trivial thing. They aren’t. They are poisoning you. As J.C. Ryle said, “Being ruled by the desires of your body will murder your soul.” [1]
In the 1960s and 70s, psychologists at Stanford conducted the now-famous “Marshmallow Test.” They handed a child a marshmallow (or a cookie, if they preferred), and told them, “If you wait 15 minutes without eating this, I’ll give you two marshmallows.” Then the researcher left the room. Some of the kids gobbled up the first mallow; others waited. (The way in which the second group waited is amusing. Many kids paced the room. Some would pat the marshmallow like a stuffed animal. Others turned around so they couldn’t see it at all.) When these researchers tracked the kids’ progress over the next several years, they found that the second group far excelled the first in life skills: they had higher SAT scores, were in better physical shape, and were more likely to be happy in life. The only difference between them was self-control.
If you’re like me, the Marshmallow Test doesn’t surprise you … but it might discourage you. After all, you know that you’re a grabber, not a waiter. So how can you and I change? Remember how Paul sets up his instructions: Look to the grace of God. We don’t become self-controlled by beating ourselves up over past sins and resolving to never repeat them; we become self-controlled when we consider the price Jesus paid to redeem us from those sins. The only power that can make you say no to ungodliness and worldly lusts is to say yes to the grace of God.
The problem isn’t that we have too much desire. In fact, as C.S. Lewis reminds us, the problem very well might be that we have too little:
“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling around with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
Don’t be bought off by the petty little passions that promise so much and deliver so little. Look to the grace of God, so you can trade them in for real passion and real pleasure.
