What do you do when you seek blessing but aren’t getting it? Do you manipulate, angle, cheat, and steal? Do you “dress yourself up” like whomever or whatever you think you need to be to obtain that blessing?
You might not think you’re all that desperate for blessing. But we all are. And far too many of us, like the patriarch Jacob, are trying to “become Esau” so our dad will bless us. But the result is always the same: We exhaust ourselves, leading to stress, disappointment, heartache, and broken relationships.
Years ago, I saw an article about Madonna in Vogue magazine. (If you’re under the age of 35, Madonna was one of the most popular female ’80s singers. And no, I don’t have an active subscription to Vogue magazine. This was a one-off.) In this interview, Madonna said,
My drive in life comes from a fear of being mediocre. That is always pushing me. I push past one spell of it and discover myself as a special human being but then I feel I am still mediocre and uninteresting unless I do something else. Because even though I have become somebody, I still have to prove that I am somebody. My struggle has never ended and I guess it never will.
Look, I’m not exactly a Madonna fan, but that is a very insightful statement. She might know herself better than you know yourself. When we look at Scripture, we see that whatever we seek in blessing, God gives us in Christ.
In Psalm 139, David exults in how special he is to God. He essentially says, “I was fearfully and wonderfully made, in your image, to play a role.” Something you should understand about creation: God created the world incomplete so that we could be his co-creators. He made man a gardener, putting him into an unplowed field so man could work the ground, resulting in beautiful flowers and plants for food. In the same way, he creates each of us with certain abilities to develop the earth. Not all of us have the same talent; he puts different parts of his image into different ones. But you, you are fearfully and wonderfully made, for a purpose.
David goes on saying, “I literally can’t get away from your love! Even if I made my bed in hell, God, you wouldn’t leave me there.” The truth is, of course, we did make our bed in hell. We rejected God and ran as far away as we possibly could from him. And yet, even there he still kept his promise to protect us—he entered hell and took it in our place. What more could God do to prove his love for you?
Most people live with the question, Have I done enough to be accepted by God? Have I been good enough? Prayed enough? Gone to church enough? The answer is almost always no. (And spoiler alert: If you think the answer is yes, that’s just as bad.) God’s salvation, God’s acceptance, God’s blessing—in the Bible, we learn that these aren’t things we earn. They are gifts. We receive them first, then spend the rest of our life serving God in thanks for them.
One night, during family devotions, I was talking about the concept of grace. During this season, our family was also watching The Voice together, that show where you have the three professional singers who listen to you sing with their chairs turned backwards so they can’t see you. If they like what they hear, they hit this button, and their chair spins around. Across the bottom of the chair it says, “I WANT YOU,” which means they see such gifting and potential in you, they want to take you on and train you. Well, during this devotion about grace, my daughter Allie, who was about 8 at the time, said, “Dad! It’s like God hits the button and spins around his chair and says, ‘I want you,’ before we ever started singing.” Exactly.
Here’s what I can tell you: You are loved right now, though you are Jacob. Though you are the “second-born.” Though you are not the right kind of person. Though you lack some of the qualities the world values or your parents valued. Maybe you don’t think you’re pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, successful enough, whatever enough. You’re just not enough. To which God says, “I want you! You are mine.” Though you’ve spent your life scheming with God and man instead of trusting in God’s promise. God says, “I want you, and my grace is enough.”
Can I make this super practical for you?
I recently came across a book called The Blessing, by Gary Smalley and John Trent, that uses examples like Jacob’s to talk about the key ingredients in any blessing. There are five, all of which we see in Jacob and Isaac’s story:
1. Meaningful Touch
This can be a hug, a gentle pat on the back, or a reassuring hand on the shoulder. My wife sometimes does this for me. When she knows something is bad for me—I’m getting some criticism or some bad news—if she’s anywhere nearby, she’ll just reach out and put her hand on me. It means, “I’m here. Who cares what they say? I believe in you.”
2. Verbal Affirmation
We’ve all heard the story of the older couple where the wife complains that he never says “I love you,” and he responds, “Well, I told her on the day we got married, and she should assume that if it ever changes, I’ll tell her.” That’s not how people work! We need to hear these things spoken repeatedly. I’ve heard that the four most powerful words you can speak to someone are, “I believe in you” or “You have what it takes.” Though, I guess, technically, that’s five—but you get the point.
3. Communicate High Value
Call out others’ strengths. Declare what they are good at, and don’t feel like you’re just making it up. Psalm 139 says this is how God made them. They reflect God’s image in a specific way. And Ephesians 2:10 says that we’re re-created in Christ Jesus for specific good works. Call those things out. Don’t let your relationships be characterized by criticism. Sure, we all have to correct each other from time to time, but what I want others to remember is how much I believed in them.
4. Envision a Special Future
This should lift their eyes above today and point them to tomorrow. Help them envision their potential and the opportunities before them. This is particularly important for kids, who sometimes struggle to think of the big picture. Give them a sense of purpose to grow into.
5. Genuine, Undying Commitment
Show them they are more important than your job or your phone or your golf game. Show up for them. We live in a world where people all around us cry out for blessing and become Jacob to try and get it. Show them that what they’re looking for is in God’s love in the gospel.
In all of this, don’t make your words of blessing something that has to be earned. That’s what the world does. Don’t let it be that way. God’s love and acceptance are given as a gift, not in response to you becoming something. Follow his pattern, blessing and loving others first—and watch how it changes them as a result.
